There is only one Kelantan: a re-run!

The entry below was first posted on 7th August last year. For some reasons, lately I think about Kelantan quite a bit. Perhaps it was listening to beloved TG Nik Aziz's voice saying in jest about 'sending PAS some fund for buying biscuits and tea' - as written here. It could also be due to a glimpse I caught of the ADUN for my little kampung, YB Dato' Anuar Musa walking behind Dato Najib to a stage in KB on bulletin Utama. Dato' Anuar is someone I knew from school days. A nice man......

Whatever the cause, I miss my beloved kampung and state of Kelantan.

I read about the campaign launched by Khairy - Kempen "Kelik Ngundi". As a proud Kelantanese, I felt a tinge offended that such campaign was not led by a political leader from Kelantan. It would have been 'more gedebe' if say Dato Anuar himself making such a call in pure Kelate speak, instead of an 'outsider'. We Kelantanese still and will always consider people from other states as 'outsiders'. We may soften our stand and accept the person to masuk gu ( join our group ), if the outsider showed some humility and modesty - and make symbolic gestures to be like us, such as paka kain sarong dengae semuta!( such as adorning sarong and a head-bandage ) Or makae budu cicoh ikae tawa! (Or eat grilled fish with Budu ).

In truth, we don't like to outsiders who try to be 'gedebe' with us.

Being emotional aside, which may even appear a wee bit trivial compared to the subject under discussion, my message to my adik2 dan anak2 di Kuala Lumpur sana is - "Kelik lah - tiket free tuh! Pah tu pakoh la gappo pung!" ("Go back lah - it is free ticket! When the time comes you can vote as you please")

This nostalgic re-run could also be due to the writing here - bertajuk "Kelantan: Demi sebuah cinta".

In any case, there is only one Kelantan and I hope we are able to remain proud of who we are.

Lemah lembut berbudi sopan

Senyumannya manis mek Kelantan

Usah di sebut janji kemewahan

Hidanganku manis nikmat Tuhan.

---there is only one Kelantan - below is the original posting --

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Tanam jagung di atas batas
Selasih ku cari...padi ku galas
Balik kampung hatiku puas
Kasih kau beri...budi tak terbalas

"Abe....abe cari gappo? Keropok ko? Sambal daging ko?"The voice soft...and melodic. The smile enticing. Her charm nearly made me purchased what I did not really need. And her smile broke into a little laughter when I replied...."Abe dok cari keropok....abe cari kakok ilae nie...".I was in Pasar Khadijah in Kota Baru Kelantan. There is only one such scene, one such charm, and one such enterprising group of women in this wide world. Found LiL later on amongst the stalls selling clothes....below!
That was during a brief stop over from the Pengakalan Cepa airport to our kampung.
A real joy awaited us when we arrived to the welcome of my sisters, and nieces and nephews. Aunties and uncles came the next day......for the Kenduri Tahlil. I felt the warmth of kampung style love and caring.....a tradition of old which thankfully, has not faded. Their conversation was genuine, their interest deep, and their care was not for your wealth but for your health. I drifted into my comfort zones......with my kain pelikat, walked along the batas of the padi fields......went deep into the rubber plantation....enjoying the fresh air and captivated with rustic village beauty.
A bunch of banana.....
Above is Duku...and below is rambutan....
From preparing the goat's meat above to the gulai kawah below.....Only in Kelantan do I feel this way...."Adequate with little, Blissful with nothingness, and love so real!"
posted by idham @ Tuesday, August 07, 2007

21 Comments:

At Tuesday, August 07, 2007 6:41:00 PM , SHERRY said...
amazing scenary lovelllyyyyyyyy photography :)

At Tuesday, August 07, 2007 8:24:00 PM , loveujordan said...
seronoknya kembali ke kampong yang dirindui...such a bless !!

At Tuesday, August 07, 2007 9:22:00 PM , Cat Cat said...
What a great country we have... Great pictures En. Idham.Rambutan tu mintak cikit, boleh? ;D

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 6:03:00 AM , ondeonde said...
our kenduri nikah kawen was done in such a way - gulai kawah! all prepared by gotong royong - tebang pokok kelapa to get the umbut muda, my mom prepared solok lada, kerisek jantung pisang, labu sira...the daging is fresh..aiyooo abe id, ni braso nok balik niiii!

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 6:09:00 AM , IBU said...
salam...wahhhh....best nyer!!!! the greens, the fruits, the shopping and the company most of all. i'm on extended medical leave ( dah masuk 2nd week) - not sure if I can make it to the 3 serangkai dinner. Frens dok pujuk2. Maybe I should, they have to drive me there. I'll call you re the drinks ok? insyaAllah. Ibu

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 6:35:00 AM , noha chomel said...
best eh?? ;P, tinggal sini terus la..

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 6:49:00 AM , dlt said...
uwaaa.... rendunyo kelate.... lamo doh tok lik. last bule 4 hari tu. 4 bule doh. napok gayonyo rayo ni baru lik lagi kelate. abe id, kiring sale ko mama n ayoh sayo, deh. huhu! homesick ni lagu ni.

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 8:03:00 AM , Mama Rock said...
there's no place like home kan...welcome back!

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 4:15:00 PM , ruby ahmad said...
Hi Arif,Thought I'd come and visit you here to wish you good luck for the upcoming 11th Aug do at the orphanage. I wish to apologise tak dapat join you and gang that day.Btw, I love your sister's house setting. So tranquil and serene. Wow tu dia pokok duku ya. Malu nak mengaku I tak pernah tengok pokok duku for real. Anyway glad you had a good time balik kampung.Ok, again I wish you and gang a good time this Sat. My thanks to Lil and you for susah payah bawa pesan I. So kind and sweet the both of you. Cheers.

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 4:19:00 PM , anggerik merah said...
Wow...you make me feel to go back to my kampung now..

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:38:00 PM , idham said...
Sherry....you and your hubby are of course invited to visit....and i will be your personal host and guide..missing friends in dubai and Jeddah dearly...:)idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:38:00 PM , idham said...
loveujordan..rina...:) dengar2 rina juga akan pulang tak lama lagi kan....hope all is well with u...:)idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:39:00 PM , idham said...
cat cat....:) yess yess.....tanah tumpah kita tak akan ada yang serupa...rambutan and durian sekebun menunggu cath cath when u r back...:)idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:42:00 PM , idham said...
onde onde.....kan kan kan....best kan ...cara gotong royong macam tu...and guess what, time macam tu lah pakcik2 dan makcik2 risik merisk pasal anak2 teruna dan dara....and lepas tu buat pulak match making....hehehehewow...your wedding so grand tu....kerisik jantung pisae tu best tu...:)idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:44:00 PM , idham said...
ibu.....pls get well soon...and kalau masih di hospital or belum sihat, pls dont you worry abt the aug 11th event tu...your thoughts count millions already....we want to see you in full recovery....my number if you wish to call is 016-6736723.i would hv called u if i hv yor number.....but i don't.idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:45:00 PM , idham said...
noha....:) dtg ye nanti....aug 11th....bawak suami sekali ye....:)idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:46:00 PM , idham said...
dlt....lamo tu ppat bulae doh tu....keno balik tu rayo nih...hehehe....abe id pun balik tigo malae jah...:)idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:48:00 PM , idham said...
mamarock...tq! :)i really wish i can meet u...dah dua kali tau i went to KLCC....but i dont hv ur number la....pls give me a buzz....my son is also working in the petronas tower...:)pls join us on aug 11th if u can... idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:54:00 PM , idham said...
hai Ruby...*smiling*thank you for making time to meet up with me the other day.....it is always a joy to sembang2 dengan u...the 2 over hours spent over cammomile tea accompanied by carrot cake and filled with lots of sharing ....the time ticked past so fast!!love ur new hair do, serious....!and best wishes with what you are organizing...i am sure it will be another one of your sterling performance.:)enjoyed it!idham

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 5:55:00 PM , idham said...
anggerik....we must meet soon....:)jangan la bz sokmo...hehehewe r so dekat jer tau...idham

At Monday, August 20, 2007 10:14:00 PM , drNO said...
bila tgk ur name kan ada tulis 'bakpo', my hubby dah kata u ni mesti org kg dia...rupa2nya mmg la betul...anyway, we're going back to klate this thursday....jom ah

Be a DoBeDo ...

I came home from work today with a big plan to go for a movie & and to eat out with the family. LiL and the boys voted against it, and counter proposed for a Movie marathon at home and ordering home delivery bruger King for dinner. The idea sounds like a good one too...so I agreed. What a democratic family we have - perhaps more than can be said for the Boleh land!

Amirul got busy immediately setting up the screen and the projector complete with a set of home theatre speakers. Haziq brought down the air mattress! Luqman was getting comfortable with pillows and cushions. LiL made me a hot mug of tea. And we were ready!!

The first movie we watched was - I am Legion Legend! Luqman decided to skip his one due to its erratic horror scenes. We were glued to the big screen - only at the end to be quite dissappointed with its abrupt ending. Verdict : A dissappointment, looks like a cheap flick.

Next, we watched the TV3 Anugerah Juara Lagu. Back-dated, but with a feel of live telecast since we have not read about the results. Having our living room filled with Malaysian songs in its magical splendour was nostalgic! We love the ambience and a sense of being truly home. From start to finish, we were captivated and entertained. Verdict : Super show - and we fully agreed wth the judges decision.

Satu Bulletin Utama - Berbagai wajah menjelang pilihan Raya.
We took a break and ordered our burgers. While the boys were having their strecth, LiL and I decided to watch TV3 Bulletin Utama - Edisi Feb 14th. So, only a few hours after - we were watching the news almost live. With technology, even living abroad we can keep in-touch with what is going on back home. As expected - the headlines were about the General Election. I will write on the topic as my next entry! Watch this space.... ( In the mean while please respond to my Survey!)

Back to the big screen at home - our last movie for the night was 'Die Hard 4'. Wow - what a movie. Well acted, action packed, super visual effect and full of drama! Everyone loves it....we munched through our burger and fries without blinking.

Happiness is a moment created !

What's with all the above report of what we have done at home today. Surely it is a subject only interesting to the six of us....maybe, but that does not stop me from feeling proud of what we did today. hehehe
Well, I do believe in small cells of living. In my simple mind, this is the equation!
A happy individual makes a happy companion.
A happy family makes a happy neighbourhood.
A happy neighbourhood makes a happy society.
A happy society hopefully can multiply into a happy nation
which multiply further into a happy world.

I am trying to do my part - keeping our family as one unit, happy with what we have wherever we are, anytime. We break no laws, steal from no one, and think evil of no body. We want to believe, however naive it actually is, that everyone is born to be good.

Little pearls for today: Do-Be-Do!
Do = do happy things by yourself, or your own family.
Be = feel happy. Even if you have to fake it, keep faking happiness until you really feel happy.
Do = do more happy things with others. This is easier done if you are happy yourself!
A table Tennis game with the boys - in our garage - while waiting for the @home movie time.

Jusoh dah buat pilihan...

Pening. Memang pening Jusoh Anak Tokey getah di Bukit Mas itu memikirkan. Sejak enam bulan dia memikirkan dan belum dapat membuat keputusan. Masaalahnya, dia tidak mempunyai banyak masa lagi. Besuk dia harus memberitahu Wok Lijoh, siapa yang dia pilih. Ini semua gara-gara Sudin Tok-Jogho sudah merisik bunga di taman yang sama.

“Bakpo gak mu susoh bena nok buat pilihae nie Jusoh?” Tanya Wok Lijoh.
“Ambo sayae keduo2. Ambo nok duo2 tu lah Wok” Kata Jusoh sambil muka Wok Lijoh terkebil kebil kehairanan.
“Mu tahu bukae – mu keno pilih satu jah. Oghe gedebe pun dok leh pasae duo Soh...tenguk Mat Jo kaki gocah tu pun soghe jah ....payah nak duo nih!” Wok Lijoh memang penyabar orangnya. Maklum lah orang lama yang sudah kenal sangat hati anak anak muda.
“Tu la tu…Payah ambo nok pilih. Ambo suko duo2 nih. Lamo doh amo dok fikir nih. Bakpo Payahnyo nok duo tu Wok?” Jusoh masih buntu. Bukan dia tamak – Cuma dia tak sanggup terlepas salah satu ke tangan orang lain.

"Payah la Soh.....jangae dok tra lah!" Wok Lijoh mengeleng-ngeleng kepala.

Mek Yah ( gambar hiasan )
Mek Yah menyapu sampah yang tidak ada lagi di laman rumahnya. Sejak pagi dia menunggu kelibat Jusoh. Sudah berkali2 Mek Yah menyapu tempat yang sama. Bukan sahaja sampah malah pasir dan debu di kawasan tu pun sudah ketandusan. Mungkin begitu juga lah hati Mek Yah sejak kebelakangan ini – tandus! Dia menyimpan perasaan. Sudah lima tahun dia bercinta dengan Jusoh. Cuma Jusoh belum pasti sama ada bercinta atau tidak dengan Mek Yah. Sudah berulang kali dia memulakan perbualan mengenai zuriat, pasal rumah dan tangga. Namun Jusoh masih membisu seribu bahasa – belum ada tanda2 yang dia akan masuk meminang. Sudah bergantang2 beras Mek Yah tanakkan nasik dagang untuk Jusoh – berbagai2 jenis lauk, dari gulai lemak telur itik, ikan aya, daging kerbau, dan hati ayam. Semua dia sudah masakkan – semuanya kerana Jusoh suka makan nasik dagang. Setiap kali makan juga Jusoh memuji masakan Mek Yah. Jusoh juga sering memuji kecantikan Mek Yah yang ada iras2 wajah Pelakun seangkatan dengan P Ramlee - Zaiton yang bertahi lalat di atas bibir. Ibu Mek Yah sudah naik fed-up juga memerhatikan kerenah dua merpati yang bagaikan tidak sejoli itu.

"Ngabihkan Bogheh jah si Jusoh tu Mek Yah!" ibunya pernah merungut. Sering juga ibunya membawa Mek Yah mandi bunga - minta2 Jusoh terbuka hati. Namun setiap kali habis saja makan dan memuji – setiap kali itu lah Jusoh mencari hal untuk menyakiti hati Mek Yah kembali. Ada-ada saja yang tak kena. Hinggakan warna kain batek sarong yang Mek Yah pakai pun tidak di sukainya. Mana tak makan hati budak perempuan sembilan belas tahun yang hanya bersekolah hingga darjah tiga itu. Bagi ibu Mek Yah, Jusoh lah satu2 nya harapan untuk merasai hidup senang.....harta bapak Jusoh tak habis makan anak cucu hingga tujuh keturunan, begitulah pernah dia berbisik dengan Mek Yah. Matahari sudah condong ke Barat, menandakan sudah banyak waktu Zohor. Namun Mek Yah dengan rambut yang menggerbang belum tergerak untuk bersiap-siap menyempurnakan Solat.

Mek Yam ( gambar hiasan )

Mek Yam masih di cermin menyisir rambut nya apabila ibunya memanggil supaya turun ke beranda. “Yae!!! Jusoh sapa doh nie – maghi lah ajok dio naik”
Ibu Mek Yam cukup berkenan kepada Jusoh. Cara Jusoh bersopan santun, malu-malu kucing tu cukup memikat hati ibu Mek Yam. Walaupun ada desas desus mengatakan dia sebenarnya terpikat dengan anak Tokey getah tu kerana bakal mempusakai beratus ekar kebun getah, itu tidak penting untuk nya. Pernah dengan sengaja dia meminta Jusoh azankan waktu solat Zuhur di rumahnya, sebagai menilai keupayan Jusoh membimbing Mek Yam ke arah isteri solehah nanti. Dia sering tersenyum puas mengingati bagaimana Jusoh begitu gugup waktu itu.

Mek Yam memerhati wajahnya di cermin buat kali terahir sebelum dia mengena kan kain tudung berwarna hitam – dan dia berpuas hati dengan celak di keningnya, bedak cuticura yang memutihi pipi tembamnya dan bibir mungilnya juga merah dengan warna gincu jenama Ives Sen Loren dari Golok. Sempat dia mengenyit mata kepada wajahnya sendiri di cermin sebelum bergegas ke bawah. Dia tahu dia tidak secantik Mek Yah – sebab itu lah dia terpaksa lebih berusaha di depan cermin. Jusoh juga jarang memuji ke ayuannya - tapi dia tahu Jusoh suka merenung wajahnya bila dia tidak melihat.

“Abe Soh . naik lah. Nasik kerabu tu pun masak doh!” Manja bunyi cara Mek Yam mempelawa.
“Nasik Kera Bu ka Kera bapak tu Yae masak ko abe Soh?” Gurau Jusoh, satu lawak yang tak berapa cerdik. Tapi Mek Yam yang lagi kurang cerdik tidak menangkap lawak blur Jusoh itu, hanya mampu terkebil-kebil.

Wok Lijoh yang masih memerhati Jusoh melayari lamunan nya sendiri, tetiba bertanya kan soalan yang mungkin boleh membantu Jusoh membuat pilihan.
“Soh…mu tahu ko ciri2 calun isteri yang di syorkan oleh ugama kita?”
Jusoh mengangguk kepala, tapi tidak berani mengangkat muka. Huh, ni mesti dia tak tahu ni fikir Wok Lijah sendirian.
“Ugama kita memberi ciri2 bakal isteri yang di galakkan....
1. beriman & solehah
2. memiliki akhlak-akhlak yang terpuji
3. menentukan mas kahwin yang rendah
4. wanita yang subur
5. masih dara
6. berasal dari keturunan yang baik
7. bukan keturunan terdekat" kata Wok Lijoh.
“Lagi..?” Tanya Jusoh yang tiba2 tersenyum kerana dia yakin kali ini dia dapat membuat keputusan.
Wok Lijoh berkumat kamit membilang sifat2 tu dengan jari jemari nya kerana pada kira’an nya ada yang tertinggal, “Ada satu lagi…..” Kata Wok Lijoh.
“Dio mesti panda masak nasik dagang atau nasik kerabu!” Kata Jusoh yang tak sabar2. Dia terkenang2 keenakan nasik dagang special Mek Yah dan baru tadi nasik kerabu masakan Mek Yam.
“Huh….dok…..yang satu lagi tu dia harus mempunyai wajah yang cantik dan sedap di pandang” Kata Wok Lijoh.

Jusoh tersenyum dan memarhati jauh ke arah rumah gadis yang menambat hatinya – senyumannya makin berseri2. “Yessssh!!! Dah ada keputusan Wok!!!!” Kata Jusoh begitu bersemangat sekali.

"Mu pilih nasik kerabu ko nasik dagang Soh?" Kata Wok Lijoh yang tak dapat menahan ketawanya.

(semoga Jusoh2 dan Mek2 di luar sana dapat membuat keputusan yang sebaik mungkin). Allah Hu Aklam....

Ustaz Hasrizal

He was unknown to me before he came. I am now one of his huge scores of fans - and I have only listened to him talking for about 2 hours. This is one popular ustaz, especially amongst the young Malaysians. If you have not yet visited his blog here, then I encourage you to.

Hasrizal was on a tour to Dubai and Doha to share his knowledge on ways to become an Effective Muslim. Modelled after C0vey's 7-Habits but customized to Islam's teachings, he spoke to more than 50 people who gathered last night to listen to lessons from his own past, insights and examples which include video clips which everyone can relate to. Majority if not all of his audience were having their own internalised reflections.

"Are you convinced ( Yakin ) that there will be the Day of Judgement - Of heaven and Hell?" He asked.
"Yes"- a few voices replied.
He described how drivers would slow down after getting head-light signals from on-coming traffic. We all do that, don't we? We slow down because the signals tell us there are police ahead - We are convinced ( Yakin ) of that so we change our behaviors by slowing down.
Then he asked again.
"How many of us have actually changed our behaviours because we were convinced and Yakin of Hari Akhirat?" I for one, paused to reflect!

"Mencari atau Menjadi?"
We can feel inadequate, frustrated, and unhappy - he said, if we continue to Mencari. He gave example of a man continuing to look for a perfect woman to be his wife.
Then he urged us to focus instead to Menjadi ( To be ) ..... the change we want to see.
"Instead of looking (Mencari ) for a perfect woman - Be a perfect ( Menjadi ) husband with the woman you have" he said. Many men I think paused to reflect!

Begin with the end in mind.
The end of all end is .........: Are we satisfied with our preparation for the end?
"How do you solve a jig saw puzzle" He asked, and answered the question himself, "By first looking at the complete picture on the box"
"What is our life's purpose?" is a question I am sure we have been asked a thousand times. And, I am sure we are modifying our answers day by day, bit by bit, getting closer and closer to what the real answer is supposed to be.

The ustaz brought the six Alam to us. And for the first time I knew why babies are conceived in moms' Rahim - It is moms' "Rahim = kasih sayang" which has been chosen by God to be good enough to carry His creations.

I would not do justice to what he shared neither can I emulate his passion and conviction. I am only sharing a very small part of what he shared with us last night. If it has made you even a little - wanting to seek more of His knowledge to be a better Muslim, then that is all I am hoping for.

For LiL and I, hosting the event was an honour and a priviledge. Thank you saudara Hasnol for choosing to do the Usrah at our home.
Thank you Ustaz Hasrizal for sharing and giving me many reasons to pause and reflects. May God bless you and your family. And Thank you Umm Saif for lending Abu Saif to us for a couple of days.

Group picture with the part of the participants!

You can also read a report from Fudzail here.

Coping with the middle-aged...

Ok, so I have been told that I don't look my age. Of course, I feel good every time someone said that! And I assumed they meant, I look younger! hahaha....but what if, what if they actually meant I look older than fifty....that will be the day I will stop blogging. Khalasssss!!! I have actually seen people looking aged beyond their years. Of course, we don't go saying, "Ermmm - you really look older than your age..." Not if we still can count to ten!

The most tricky is when someone asked us to guess what their ages are? Especially if the person who ask is a woman and she looks past her prime. I have a confession - if I am in a situation like that I always substract ten years from my true guess. No, play it safe guys....don't go with FIVE ...but go with TEN!!! So if the lady is about 45 in your best estimate after glancing at the loose skin around her neck, guess 35! She will be delighted and you will have her full attention for the rest of the afternoon, and if you are lucky may even be extended to a late night supper. And if in the course of the conversation she reveals that she has a twenty-something-daughter - don't go with a lame "Oh I see"...Noooooooooooooo!!! never...!!! Instead go with a "No way...tell me you are kidding.....!!! Your eldest can't be more than fifteen ....unless you were married really young!" and gaze into her eyes with a dreamy-i-am-flirting-with you look while saying that. I bet you she will love it ...and will play into extra time on making you tell her more and more that she looks thirty-five. Middle-aged women loved to be wooed, flirted, desired. You see, most forty-something women know through their female instinct that their husbands harbour secret desires to swap them with two-twenty-something-girls. So to be at the receiving end of attention is a welcome change. But beware if you cross the limit from flirting to advancing - they will hiss and piss you like a wild cobra! Never read desire for flirtation as a come-maul-me signal. They are not as straight forward and easy as your typical twenty-something-take-away girls found at most night clubs. They are sophisticated ( read as complicated and confused ). While you are at it, go for a full course: mention how elegantly she dresses......pay particular attention to her shoes and handbags. And always, compliments her eyes and the way she smiles....! Just when she thought you are through with your compliments - just whispers quietly, almost to yourself, "Your husband is a very lucky man.....".
One thing you must always remember is ....never tell her " Wow you look so very sihat!" or else you risk making her lose her appetite. Nooo.....not just for the food, but also in talking with you. 'Sihat' is not for you to tell a woman....it is for her doctors!

There are two things middle aged men don't like for anyone to tell them - 1. One is something getting 'lesser' - their hair, and 2. and another is something getting "bigger" - their waist. There is an unwritten rule of social grace for people to say something like, "My oh my - the longer I have not met you the younger you look! You are looking great my friend" when you meet a middle-aged man whom you have not seen a long time. Never mind that he looked jagged and scruffy and old. He will soon forget how tired or how old he really is ....he will be brimming with happiness and cheer. Try it.....! You will get an instant result. Unless of course the man has been subjected to so much abuse that he needs a little more than one praise to put him up-right again.
Talking about abuse, please allow me to digress ....with a para on it.
Abuse - we parents are the best cuplrits. We do without intending. We add an adjectives or two in jest, such as "Adik tembam", "Abang malas". The next time you are angry with your children - pause and count to twenty. If the words dancing on your lips have any of the negative adjectives then you may be guilty of abuse. What they hear from their parents, their mind will remember and the brain will keep repeating to them until they starts believing it is true. Your son or daughter will prove you right, and will make sure he or she will be 'tembam' and 'malas'.

"Orang tua ni pekak ka.....dah berkali2 kita cakap bukan nya dia nak dengar!" I once overheard a young woman mumbling to an elderly man she was pushing on a wheel-chair at a hospital, and of all places in Kuala Lumpur. I felt like giving the woman a tight slap on her face! But of course I didn't. Instead I said, "Ayah ka?". I found out that she was a daughter-in-law!
If she spoke softer - with love and compassion - I am sure the man could have heard her. I even think he pretended he did not hear a word because it was easier that way.
The words, 'Orang Tua" itself is not liked by middle-aged men. It is considered rude....
I personally hate it when refered to as 'Tua'.

Now even a few of my blog readers are unsure what to address me as...."Abang' or "Pakcik / Uncle". These kind of dilemma is unique to Malaysians. In Europe you don't find people addressing strangers by 'uncle' or 'brother'. If there is a need to show respect, than they address the person as a Mister so-and-so. But I am Malaysian and my readers are mainly Malaysians too. So we should be forgiven for reverting to our cultural norms.
Ok, this is my rule of thumbs.
1. If you are the same age as his ( eldest ) child, then you can call the middle-aged men as Pak Cik or Uncle.
2. If your children are the same age as his (youngest) child, then you may call him Mr. So-n-so or Abang So-n-so. But never just abang.......unless you are his sweetheart or share the same parents.
3. Regardless of your age, it is safe and appropriate to call him by his name.....and a salutation of Mister So-n-so is always acceptable.

There is a quote, "Age considers; youth ventures". With age, men tend to think a lot more about things said and things that happened. As a result too, they tend to be more sensitive.
Unfortunately - the belief that with age comes wisdom is only a myth. Nothing is guranteed to come with age except wrinkles. hehehehe. Even the belief that age is like wine - the older the better is also conditional to having grapes of good grade in the first place.

Perhaps because I am an optimist and live my life with enthusiasm, I particularly like this quote, "None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm".
I try not to keep company with pessismist, stay away from the skeptics, and shy away from the perfectionists and realists. I find perfectionists as cause for stress.....afterall who are we kidding trying to achieve perfection in this real world of dents and damages, of wear and tear!

Before I am labelled of displaying an old-man's syndrome of not knowing when to stop blabbering, let me end with this quote from George Bernard Shaw, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing!".
If you don't want to play with me.....please get out of the way, so that I can play with those who are willing. Thank you......