A Father In Law Rambling...

"Ayah, Iza nak balek dulu!" Said Iza moments before she kissed my hand.

I could not have been happier. Happy not because she was leaving. In fact I tried to talk her into staying over. I was happy because, instead of losing one son, I have gained a 'daughter'. One more person in the family calling me 'Ayah'.

It took me a while to get used to Iza calling me 'Ayah'. I have yet to hear my son calling his FIL 'Abah'. I wonder whether or not I would feel a tinge of jealousy and possessiveness? Hopefully, not.

Being the eldest, Adlil is showing the way and setting good examples to his younger siblings. He has lived his life independently. Sometimes I have wished for him to open up and share with me a little more about his hopes and fears in life.

I didn't have much information about how and when he started dating Iza. I was aware of a couple of boy-girl relationships he has had before, but none too serious which he brought to my attention. I tried a few times to match-make him with my friends' daughter. In the beginning he responded with a few excuses. Finally one day, he told me the truth, "Ayah, I prefer not to marry anyone from families whom you and mak know!"

I respected that view. It is also in line with the teaching from Rasullullah (pbuh),  “Pilihlah yang jauh, nescaya kamu tiada melemahkan!” Jauh here meaning, not from within the same family and preferably also not from the same 'tribe'.

When one of his closest confidante and also a friend of mine, Mat Ju,  hinted (I learned later he did so at Adlil's request) that Adlil has found a girl he wished to marry, I was elated. Everyday, I would wait to hear about the development of Adlil's relationship with his new found love from Mat Ju. If no news were forthcoming, I would asked Mat Ju, "Any news from Adlil lately?"

Then, one day (I think when he was sure that my wife and I have approved), Adlil called and broke the news. Within a few hours I was on the phone talking with Iza's father. In so many ways, I am grateful that Iza's parents were so understanding and share similar values as ours - moderation and simplicity!

The Prophet (pbuh) also said, “Sebaik-baik perbuatan ialah yang sederhana”.

Do'a mencuit hati pengantin ~! ..Aminnnn.

At the wedding reception hosted by Iza's parents in Raub last Saturday, while 'Merenjis' I stood in front of the Bride and the Bridegroom, reciting my do'a. Listening to my do'a they giggled, then they laughed together. I won't share the whole thing, but I did pray for them to be happy with each other, sama2 mencari nikmat perkahwinan, to accept both the good and the not so good, and for Iza to be 'Isteri solehah yang ta'at kepada suami' and for Adlil to 'Menjadi ketua keluarga dan membimbing isteri hingga ke syurga'.

Tonight Iza came back from her parents' house and stopped over at our home. She brought with her a trunk full of durians.

"Tidur di sini saja lah!" I tried to persuade her to sleep over.

"Tak apa lah ayah, selepas hari Jumaat saja lah Iza tidur di sini!" With that she kissed my hand and seeked permission to leave.

To both Iza and Adlil, be aware, there will be many challenges in marriage. There will be disagreements and disappointments. There will be time of adjustments. Even the durians have good and bad ones. The trick for happiness is to turn bad durians into 'tempoyak' and still enjoy having it. Throughout the journey of your life together as husband and wife - you need to be strong and resist all temptations which may destroy not only your waist lines, but also your happiness..


Best wishes and Good luck!
I want both of you to know that both Mak & Ayah are with you, and will always be available.

My notes - menerima menantu pertama!

This is our first time! I am sure there are many parents out there who will be going through their first experience too. A few months ago I was agonizing and over-analyzing how was I to go through the 'Merisik', then 'Meminang' and 'Bertunang' and the ultimate parental anxiety, to organize a wedding for our eldest son?

A few notes from my own experience:

> Over thinking and over analyzing did not help. Instead, my wife and I asked friends who have gone through similar experience in recent times, and we adapted their experiences to suit our beliefs and values.

> Always include the elder members of the family in each of the ceremonial event. In our case, my MIL and my oldest paternal uncle have been at the center of our entourage. Our tradition, and one which I like a lot, respects the elders.

> Build rapport and gain trust early with the parents and family members of your 'Bakal Menantu'. Mutual respect and camaraderie go a long way in smoothing the traditional ceremonies and in providing a positive foundations for the newly weds. I am lucky, our 'Besan' are God sent to us!

> Level your cost and the preparation not with what you can afford, but with what your life style has been. We have been living very moderately, hence our wedding preparations are also very moderate in nature.

> If there is a conflict between 'Adat' and 'Islamic teachings', always go with what is Islamic!

> Consult close friends and relatives in coming up with the guest list. This is important so that we minimize errors of excluding any one by mistakes. Many unintended enemies are created by making people who feel they should have been invited but were not!

> Avoid wastage in every aspect; expensive invitation cards, too much food, excessive decoration, unpractical gifts, etc..

> Engaged the service of a reliable wedding organizer. In our case, we use a 'One Stop Center' who takes care of the venue, food and caterings, entertainment, up to drawing up a program based on our needs. 

> Of course, bring up your children with Islamic values and moderation throughout their lives. In our case, our son has grown to be a very reasonable and responsible young bridegroom. Alhamdullillah...

> Most important preparation of all, is to extend prayers and do'a to Allah for Him to bless our lives and to guide us to the right path.

Our wedding reception for Adlil Hafiz and Rosliza will be on Friday 23rd December 2011. Last Saturday, 17th December, we attended the ceremony hosted by the bride's parents in Raub, Pahang.

Adlil Hafiz dan Rosliza - Makan Beradab di Majlis Resepsi
keluarga pengantin perempuan di Raub Pahang,
 17th December 2011.

Miss Editor ~!

"Phewww..." I was so relieved when my book editor finally informed me the final proof of the book has been sent to the printer.

Was she the one who took
this photo this afternoon?

Then, almost at the same time  we contacted each other! "There is a typo, on page 38!"

"OOO MMM GGGG!" The book printing has started. The typo was so obvious it puzzled us how both of us missed it.

It had to be corrected - especially because Miss Editor wanted to protect her good reputation.

"I hate the word 'final draft'...please don't ever mentioned that word to me again!" One of us said that, but I could not remember whether it was her or I who actually said it!

She contacted the printer. Fortunately, she was able to charm the person at the printing company to re-do the printing plate for that particular page - at no extra cost!

"Phewww..." And I hoped it was the final correction!

"It is the final for real..I told the printer NOT to take calls from me until the book printing is completed!" Said Miss Editor.

"I read and re-read, and I am confident now we have corrected all typo mistakes!" She said.

And...I believed her.

She assured me she will be attending the book launch. I hope she will agree for me to introduce her to everyone. She has been so much help and has contributed significantly to enable the publication of my first book, the least I could do is to acknowledge her contribution publicly!

Sembang kosong !

"Pp ni memang ramai girlfriends lah!" Cakap seorang wanita yang kenal saya suam suam kuku begitu.

Maybe, and maybe not. It depends lah, what is the definition used for the term 'Girl friend' and the measurement 'ramai'.

If the term 'girl-friend' refers to 'kekasih' sama ada kekasih gelap or terang, the answer is 'I have none'.

Admittedly, I do have many lady friends. My FB list of friends are made of 40% members from Venus. My blog readers are mainly ladies too.

Those lady friends who know me will be the first to say that I am not that lady-friendly. There are the darker side of me. I am sharp with my words, harsh with my criticism, ridiculously impatient, and display inclination to snap with sarcasm. Many lady friends who have dealt on business or personal matters with me have ended in tears - with hurt feelings and bruised ego.

And, sejak dahulu, kini dan selamanya, I don't pujuk sesiapa yang merajuk. I don't take responsibilities for how someone else feel. You merajuk, your problem. You pujuk lah diri sendiri. hehehe. But if I know I bersalah, I will apologize! Ada juga yang tak sudi memaafkan. Itu hak dia lah! Hanya Allah yang berjanji Dia sentiasa Maha pengampun, manusia tak pernah berjanji begitu!

But I do have my sunny side too. For one, I can be funny when I want to. I can make even a dull hippo laugh! I can also be charming - giving new mirrors to any person who needs external re-inforcement in order to feel good about himself or herself.

My wife is constantly amused when I tell her that someone finds me sexy! Hahaha. She has lived with me through burps and farts, and it took her a heck of a long time before she adapt and force herself to accept the fact that burps and farts are in fact signs of true bonding and intimacy. 

But lady friends I have known before have been good source of inspirations for a few of the poems I have written and included in my soon-to-be-launched book of poetry, "Echo of Silence". So to them, I say, "Thank you" for sharing some of your darkest hours, and helping me to understand a little more about the mysteries of this gender from Venus.

New Muslims at the farm...

I was moved and swallowed my emotion hard.

There in front of me were eleven new converts to Islam, their faces glowing and their eyes clear. They looked peaceful and pious in white Jubah. Two of them even sporting goatie.

I was there to honor them, and was asked by the organizer, the Dakwah department of the company to  say a few words.

I took the microphone, gazed into the faces of the eleven, and with trembling voice I too uttered the words. In front of the new converts I felt the compulsion to also renew my declaration of shahadah.

لا إله إلا الله محمد رسول الله (lā ʾilāha ʾillallāh, Muḥammad rasūlu-llāh)

There is no god but God, and Muhammad is the messenger of God.

I felt so lucky that I was born a Muslim. I would never knew, if left to seearch for the truth by myself whether I would find the light as the eleven have found.

I congratulated them and encouraged them to make friend with the pious, visit and spend time in places of worship and embrace Islam as a way of life.

Subhanallah! They indeed embrace Islam by choice.

Allah hu Akbar! Praise and Peace be upon our Prophet for spreading the words, and for living behind set and clear examples of how we should carry on with our life!

I am sleeping tonight with my laptop playing the AL Quran recitation of the Al Baqarah by Sheikh Mishari Rashid.

Ya Allah...kekalkan lah aku di dalam Islam. Setelah Kau berikan aku hidayah dan cahaya kebenaran, jangan lah Kau gelapkan kembali hatiku dengan dosa2 dan kelemahan diriku sendiri.

QURAN EXPLORER HERE.

One of the poems in "Echo of silence"

In 2005, my family and I were living in Jeddah. I was the VP HR for Unilever Middle East. During the period, I was in between two very different worlds; the world of Holy land while I was in Jeddah, and the world where men chased their fantasies while I travel to Dubai. 

When something go right or wrong in our life, we can always find or create justifications for it. In the end however, it is NOT the reason why we do what we do...that matters. It is a lot simpler than that. It is about finding out whether what we do is really making us happy and peaceful inside, or whether it creates turbelence and discord within. 

It was during one of my trips to Dubai in 2005, alone in the solitude of my hotel room, I was jolted out from whatever state I was in...and found my freedom! I wrote the poem below that night. This poem will be one of many I am presenting to readers of "Echo of Silence", my book of Poetry which will be launched at the end of December this year.

Please beli buku saya nanti ya...:-) By the way, gambar2 di bawah ini hanya untuk blog sahaja, dan tidak terdapat di dalam buku.

free at last
freedom, liberation
from penetrating lust
lusting for devil’s creation
shapely creatures of imagination
worldly pleasures of temptation.

i am free from today onwards
liberated with healing of wounded soul
bleeding from manifestation of unreachable goal
exhausted from chasing my own shadows
unrequited love has taken its severe toll.

my friends, bring me purified water for my cleansing
prayers from the grave of a re-born being
look at me, and look within
emptiness filled with an answered calling.

freedom
O what a blessing
free from stumbling in the darkness of dark alleys
free from grappling with a million fantasies
free from fear undefined
free from envy like poison ivy entwined


no longer am i shackled to a broken dream
for today just like a dove i spread my wings


free at last
from dawn to dusk
O God, please make my freedom lasts.

5.30am, 15th Oct 2005. Dubai

Many actually judge a book by its Cover ~!

"Who is designing you book cover?" Fudzail asked me this afternoon when we were on GTalk.

Fudzail's first book, "Waikato" was published in 1999. Since then he has written a few more books and they are available in most bookstores.

"Ermm, being designed by my editor together with the printer!" I replied. Then I quickly added, "...and I am happy with what they have done!"

Haziq and Fariz!

"Your son Haziq is very talented! Why don't you ask him to design!" He said. He knows Haziq well from the time we were living in Dubai.

"He is busy with his studies, and I really don't want to bother him. Anyway I am short of time, and maybe the next book lah I will involve him!" I kind of defended my decision.

In my heart I so much wanted to agree with Fudzail. In fact, Haziq already is contributing! I am using many photos taken from his photo collection. In addition, he is contributing 5 poems which I am including in the book.

"You know, I regretted not involving my son when I published my book. At the time, they were still very young. It is part of the legacy if you can get Haziq to do the design. Don't wait for the second book, because the first impression counts! You know that already...." Said Fudzail, further influencing me to his point of view.

I was persuaded.

Tonight I asked Haziq if he would like to design the book cover - both for the English and the Malay cover.

His reply was, "I would love too. Iwill finish my homework now and will do them before I go to bed to night!"

Wow!

At 10.30pm, when he showed me the designs, I went double Wow!!

Thank you Fudzail for sharing your personal experience! Much appreciated.

I like....!! Thank you Haziq. The book has an even more significant meaning to me.

Picture and cover designs credit to Haziq Ariffin Photography.

Publisher: Two Plus Six.

Why 50+ men can be so charming...

First let me say, this is not a story about myself.

Pic from PakMat's FB wall.

With that out of the way, I wish to talk about my first meeting with PakMat on one chilly evening under the open sky of Jeddah in the compound of Medinatul Hujjaz recently. From the moment we shake hand I feel a special affinity for PakMat. When we start talking, I understand a little why I like him. After two cups of tea and a pack of pre-cooked Red Sea shrimps, I feel like I have always known him and that he is a long lost friend re-united.

In the presence of our respective wife and a few of PakMat's Haji friends we spoke freely and one of the topics was about our cyber friendship. 

I was all praise for PakMat.

I told everyone around the two tables which we pulled and combined together, how I have always enjoyed reading his blog, and how I envied his wit and charm which seemed to draw so many female readers. When I met the man in person that evening, I experienced the honesty, wit and charm. He was just as honest and elonquent as the trademark of his writings.

Now back to the topic of this article, "Why 50+ men can be so charming..."

"I wish...."

There is only one PakMat in this world. However there are many 50+ men who in their own way, have been there and done that, hence do not find the need to compete for ego but often possess big hearts that give the spot light and flatteries to whoever they feel deserving and in need. Often too 50+ men have the ears to listen, big shoulders to cry on, and the wisdom to make anyone feel that everything will be okey! A few, like the VVIP husband of artist Syella Kamarudin, also has the $$$ to splash.  

Equally attractive to gold-diggers is the fact that 50+ men are only a few years away from the time they can visit the EPF office and walk out richer! Some of them have, probably, already cashed out, and in good positions to relaunch themselves with new cars, a Harley maybe, oversea holidays, even a pair or two Ferragamo shoes. These 50+ men can afford to show their affection or simply can lure the ladies to their harem with gifts and treats.

A young lady friend in her early thirties confides with me, that marrying a 50+ man is like a short term sacrifice rather than a life sentence. He will kick the bucket sooner and she then can be free to spend her inheritance. Evil, you may think. There is some truth to the evil proposition. However, most The 50+ men know the equation well; that he is in it for something a young lady can offer, and the lady is into it for something he can offer.

The equation, as it happens is always mathematical!

 ( 20+) *(36, 28, 36) = ($$$$$) * (50+)

Another reason  50+ men can be so charming is the worldly experience and wisdom he brings to the relationship. When a 20+ go into tantrums, younger males will panic, blame themselves, and fall into the trap. 50+ men however, have seen all those before. They understand the game and the state of play. They remain calm, show affection, and score goals everytime! The best thing that can happen in relationship for the 50+ is when their  20+ trophy partners get upset. The 50+ men are the master of the arts of making up, and the outcome can be quite mind blowing!

And guess what, majority of 50+ men think they can afford to be footloose and fancy free with their action and willing to face any consequences. Very often, their attitude to life is guided by the common saying, "Life is short!" They therefore act out what they do not wish to miss out before they black out - forever.

Back to my meeting with PakMat. He is a man who definitely has been there and done that, and many more too. He stroke my ego ever so subtly but so effectively. When I was leaving, we didn't shake hand. Instead, we bear hug!

I love you PakMat - and let us live this life to the fullest! Life is short.

PakMat's blog can be read HERE.

Kelahiran "Masih Di Sini"

Pendahuluan

“Masih Di Sini,” itulah jodol buku pertama saya, sebuah koleksi sajak-sajak peribadi.
Bagaikan pungguk yang rindukan bulan, sekeping hati insan yang merindui sering merintih untuk bertemu yang di cintai walaupun hanya di dalam mimpi. Begitulah sajak-sajak di dalam buku ini, walaupun bahasa mungkin berkias, yang tersurat dan tersirat semuanya ikhlas dari hati. Tidak hairan lah jika ada... kawan-kawan lelaki yang menggelarkan saya sebagai ‘Mat Jiwang’, dan kawan-kawan wanita pula tersalah tafsiran dan menganggap saya menggunakan ‘Ayat power!’ Terpulang lah kan..!

Di lahirkan sebagai anak lelaki tunggal dan juga bungsu, kehidupan saya bermula di dalam suasana persekitaran yang penuh dengan kasih sayang. Padi menguning saujana mata memandang, siulan unggas, desiran angin menyapa daun-daun, dan dinginnya air di perigi. Ayam dan itik riuh berkeliaran, udara segar selepas hujan. Di sana, nun di kampung Kemubu, di situlah saya membesar dan mendapat pendidikan awal. Ke sanalah saya pulang melepaskan kerinduan!

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(Inshaallah di penghujung Disember 2011)