"If I could turn back the time....."

A chat with sis Raden Galoh on this Friday afternoon covered many grounds. Towards the end, I asked her if she wish to choose a topic for me to write on.She suggested, "If you could turn back the time...what would you do?"
I agreed to the topic, and requested that she too write on the same. We agreed to release the posting latest by 12midnight Dubai time. I therefore rush back from a Merdeka Go-Kart race here in Dubai, and sat at my lap-top straight away upon reaching home. Read here about the Go-Kart race as reported by Bernama.

"If I could turn back the time......"

Silat!
When I was a child I enjoyed reading about Malay heroes such as Tok Janggut and Mat Kilau. I found stories about Hang Tuah and his legendary friends inspiring. Panglima Hitam was another heroic character I admired. If I could turn back the time....I would learn some of their Silat and 'ilmu kebatinan'. I don't exactly know the reason for my wish, but I do get occassional pangs of regrets for not mastering silat and some of those 'ilmu pendekar'.
Perhaps, there is inside of me a wish to 'pukul' those penjahat2 to our ugama dan negara!!!
Prakkkkkkk!!! one karate chop sambil cakap, "Nah! rasa kan!!" *Puas hati aku!*

Swimming!
I had a beautiful childhood. One filled with love. Born the last child and the only son, I was the center of my parents' universe. I had all of their attention and love. I did well in school and was the favourite student of my Quran teacher. There aren't much I would have done differently.....but one thing I wish I had. I would have learn to swim! Not just a swimming pool swimmer, but I would want to have been able to jump off trees into the Kelantan river like many of my childhood friends. Tak de la asyek jadi penunggu seluar dan baju mereka jer! Ini tidak, asyek asyek depa dok kata, "Kau tolong jaga baju kita orang ye!"

Hafiz!
I Khatam Al-Quran at the age of ten. The second time a year later. If I could turn back the time....I want to be a Hafiz Al Quran. If I could turn back the time....I want to speak Arabic and understand the Al Quran! Tak de la macam sekarang ni hah...dah lima tahun kat negara arab ni, cuma tahu cakap "AhlanWasahlan..." jer!! But but, I do remember by heart some of the Surah Lazim! Tapi ada juga apabila solat anak2 bertanya, "kenapa ayah asyek2 baca surah Qul Huallah tu jer!"

Repentence!
I have consciously committed many sins throughout my life. Some were big sins, and some were small sins. Some were sins with people, and some were sins with God. There were times I had repented. But there times when I repeated the same sins. If I could turn back the time....I want to stay repented! To stay clear from sins which I have regretted doing in the past! Fortunately, this is something which I can take control from here on....May God provide me with the resolve and strength to stay on the right path! Kalau sekali buat dosa tu dah berdosa, tapi boleh lah kata lupa. Kalau dah dua kali tu....ermmm, saja cari pasal la tu!!

I have only one mother - and she is gone!
I lost my father when I was ten. I grew up mourning his death and envying my friends whose father were there for them. When i graduated, I regreted that he was not there to celebrate my success. When I received my first salary, I swallowed my tears of sadness that I was not able to spend on him. But I did very little differently for my mother who was then alive. I let her live without my constant presence....I let her waited by the phone without bothering to call for weeks. I visited her occassionally and was always in a hurry to return to my job. Seldom did I tell her that I love her. When she was sick, I called to ask her to go see a doctor - little did I realize that all she wanted was for me to come home and hold her hands. When she was really sick towards the end of her life, I was shuttling from Singapore to visit her - without even considering that if it was the way around she would leave whatever was important to her to attend to me. She would do that because I was the most important thing in her life! If I could turn back the time....I would without hesitation and without a doubt - give my time to my mother! I would have taken leave from my job indefinitely....for she is the most important person in my life. Unfortunately I failed to realize that then when she was alive. I live with this one regret....and I ask God to forgive me, for all of my sins to my mother for not being there as a son should have. I have only one mother, and she is gone....forever! Unfortuntely, I could not turn back the time. *sampai la ni dok sedih pasal tak jaga bonda* Hangpa jangan tunggu sampai mak dan ayah hangpa takdak naa....jaga depa baik2 naa...!!

My darling...
Rain or shine, she has stood by me. And I pain her aplenty!
Thru hard times and thru good times, she has been by my side. And I hurt her often!
I have seen her tears....because of me she cried.
I have heard her prayers....for my well being she prayed.
Her heart bled....and I was holding the knife.
Her wound healed.....but her scars remain.
Yet, she loves me. Despite everything, she forgives me.
She is my darling! And if I can turn back the time....
I will possessively protect her, sincerely cherish her, and obsessively love her.....and not to hurt her!
But I could not turn back the time....therefore, I can only promise to make up for the time which have passed. She is my my darling...and she is my wife!!
*ntah kenapa ntah, bila habis tulih bab nie, aku dok tingat lagu tujuhpuluhan....knock three times....* Oh my darling, knock three times on the ceiling if you want me......

Role model!
Growing up without a father figure was hard for me. It turned harder when I myself became a father. I simply did not know how to role model as a father figure for my children. If I could turn back the time....I want to be a better father to them all! Forgive me children....I will keep trying!! *amboi...bukan main pulak! hangpa anak2 pun kena ingat...kena jugak cuba jadi anak2 mithali!! dengaq kata ayah naa...selalu tolong ayah naa....!! nanti ayah pencen, huluq2 la pitih tu naa!!* hehehehe

Let's get physical!
Whenever I go to a beach....I do not care if I see someone with a physic of a body builder. Whenever I am at a football field, I don't envy people who can run like Brian Giggs or bend balls like Beckam. But I do care.....Whenever I walk with my children, I wish I can cope up without panting and puffing. And it bothers me...that whenever I put on my trousers, I have to hold my breath in order to be able to button them up! I do wish so that I can walk up any stairs straight. I wish I am more physically fit!!
If I could turn back the time....I want to exercise more regularly and consider the food I eat!
*yang ni harus lah aku tulih...baghu lagi pi pereksa doktor....ubat yang dia bagi tu pun belum habih lagi dok telan nih....*

If I could turn back the time....I want to be a better Muslim! A much better Muslim!!
*Serius ni Budin! hang jangan dok gelak kat aku!!!*

--To sis Raden Galoh and to all readers of bakpo, Saya menyusun jari memohon ampun maaf jika ada salah dan silap. Semoga Puasa kita nanti di terima Allah!--

120808 & 130808 - Lahirnya aku di sini!

Updated with gambar2 dari sessi ceramah "Sireh Pulang ke gagang" dengan pelajar darjah 4, 5 dan 6 pagi tadi di sekolah Kebangsaan Pangkal Kalong.

Gambar di ambil ketika menyampaikan sumbangan buku2 ke pusat sumber sekolah. Terimakasih juga kepada Pakzawi dan Awin dari Little Dewa blogspots di atas sumbangan buku2.
Di jamu dengan nasi dagang untuk saya dan anak2, amirul , haziq dan luqman yang turut serta ke sekolah. Ada juga dibekalkan untuk LiL di rumah. Alhamdullillah.....begitulah kemesraan guru2 di sekolah. Terimakasih banyak2 cikgu2.....!!!


Lahirnya aku di sini!

lahirnya aku di sini
memulakan kehidupan di lurah berdebu
memori perjalanan yang sering ku rindu
lambaian kasih menggamitku pulang
bagaikan burung pulang ke sarang
bagaikan sireh pulang ke gagang.
dan aku mengharapkan
kau anakku meneruskan perjalanan
di lurah ini, di sinilah permulaan!
Dan
tiba waktunya nanti
seperti ku, kau juga akan pergi
tinggallah kampung ini dalam kedamaian menanti
wahai anak......pulanglah
bila kau juga akan merindui
jejak kasih mu bermulanya di sini!

120808 - Kematian mengingatkan tujuan kehidupan!
Aku bangun untuk solat subuh apabila diberitahu tentang kematian sepupu saudaraku Ramli.
"Innallilah hiwa'inna illai HirajI'un.....alfatihah..............bismillah......." Hanya selepas aku selesai solat baru kesempatan bertanya apakah punca kematian.

"Sakit jantung, dengan tiba2 sesak nafas dan habis usia dalam kereta menuju ke hospital" Begitulah cerita abang Wel.
Terdiam aku mengimbas wajah arwah Ramli, segak dan sihat orangnya. Berusia sekitar enam puluh tahun dan rajin bercucuk tanam. Orangnya peramah.....dan mempunyai 12 orang anak-anak. Kematian, mengingatkan aku tentang betapa sementaranya kehidupan. Datangnya jemputan Allah tanpa kita duga atau ketahui masa. Yang muda ada yang pergi mendahului yang tua. Yang sihat ada yang pergi terdahulu dari yang sakit. Yang kaya pergi meninggalkan harta. Hanya amalan, sedekah jariah, dan anak2 yang soleh yang menjadi bekal kita ke 'sana'. Kematian, membuat aku berfikir tetang erti dan tujuan kehidupan.

Kampung inilah tempat kelahiran aku limapuluh satu tahun dahulu. Kampung inilah yang mengajar aku bahawa kasih dan sayang dapat mengatasi kemiskinan. Di kampung ini, pernah seorang pakcik menghentikan basikalnya lalu bertanya apakah yang menjadi impian ku jika aku ada duit. Jawap aku, "saya juga ingin membeli ice cream seperti anak jiran ku!". Dan, seminggu kemudian pakcik yang bertanya berkunjung ke rumahku membawa ice cream. Aku begitu gembira.....seperti gembiranya kanak2 berusia tujuh tahun apabila mendapat ice cream. Kemiskinan mengajar aku untuk menilai budi dan kebaikan orang namun kemiskinan juga mengajar aku untuk tidak mengharap atau meminta. Sebaliknya, kemiskinan menguatkan azam aku untuk belajar bersungguh2 demi mencapai kejayaan untuk mengubah nasib keluargaku. Bila berjauhan, aku rindukan kampung ini. Bila pulang, aku mencari kampungku yang semakin hilang - seorang demi seorang orang2 tua yang aku kenali sejak zaman kanak2 telah pulang ke Rahmatullah. Kampung tanpa denyut nadi penghuni penghuninya semakin sunyi dan sepi. Anak2 muda dari generasi baru aku tidak kenali dan mereka juga tidak mengenali aku . Warisan adat resam kehidupan seperti dulu2 semakin hanyut bersama air sungai Kelantan yang semakin berlumpur. Senyuman mereka malu2 dan hambar. Salam kita di sambut sebelah tangan umpama 'hand-shake' kebaratan bukan lagi bertemu dua belah tangan menyambut salam sambil bertanya khabar berita dengan kemesraan jauh dari sudut rasa.
Dan kepulangan aku kali ini bersama hari pemergiaan arwah saudaraku Ramli......semoga Allah tempatkan beliau bersama para Solihin...!
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130808 - Ke sekolah!

Bukan sahaja lahirnya aku di sini. Aku juga mula bersekolah di sini, di Sek Kebangsaan Pangkal Kalong. Dari darjah satu hingga darjah enam aku berulang dengan berjalan kaki meniti batas dan lorong berdebu untuk ke sekolah. Di waktu itu, boleh dikatakan lima puluh peratus murid2 ke sekolah berkaki ayam, ini termasuklah aku. Masih segar di memori ku peristiwa guru meminjamkan aku sepasang kasut kepunyaan salah seorang kawan ku untuk sessi fotografi majalah sekolah, dan bila aku pulang aku menceritakan kepada ibu. Tergenang air mata di kelopak mata ibu....besunya ibu membawa aku ke kedai untuk membeli kasut. Kemudiaannya, aku mendapat tahu - ibu berhutang demi membelikan aku sepasang kasut itu. Demikian kasih ibu.....dan aku, ingin saja rasanya memulangkan kasut itu. Namun melihat ibu tersenyum puas, aku simpan kasut itu untuk kegunaan hari2 perayaan. Sepasang kasut mencetuskan azam - "satu hari nanti, aku akan membeli kasut terbaik untuk ibuku!"
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Guru2 waktu itu bagaikan ada satu semangat kebangsaan untuk memajukan anak2 Melayu. Bila aku imbas kembali, aku masih ingat bagaimana ada di antara2 guru2 aku yang bertandang ke rumah untuk bertemu ibu bapa murid2 untuk berbincang tentang perestasi anak2 mereka di sekolah. Rasanya, sekarang guru2 mengambil pendekatan berlainan. "Jika ibu bapa tidak ke sekolah, itu masaalah mereka!" mungkin begitu paradigma sekarang. Namun gaya kehidupan orang kampung berbedza.....hidup mereka kais pagi makan pagi. Rata2 pendidikan ibu bapa di kampung juga tidak setinggi pendidikan guru2. Justuru cabaran guru2 di luar bandar merangkap sebagai pendidik kepada ibu bapa juga. Besar cabaran itu......dan sesiapa juga yang terlibat dalam rangkaian pautan kasih sekolah tersebut harus bekerja sama. Ini termasuklah para alumni sekolah, para ibu bapa yang berpendidikan tinggi, dan ahli masyarakat yang memegang jawatan.
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Justeru terkenangkan jasa guru2 dan jasa sekolah, terpanggil aku untuk berkunjung kesekolah itu menjejaki lorong2 memori......ah begitu nostalgia, hampir menitis air mataku melihat bilik darjah yang pernah aku hadiri dulu dalam keadaan memerlukan perhatian dari pihak2 berkenaan. Aku bernasib baik dapat bertemu Tuan Guru Besar sekolah, dan beberapa guru kanan lain. Terasa bagaikan tetamu istimewa pula.....walhal, tujuan aku ke sana kerana ingin memperhambakan diri dan memberi penghormatan kepada sekolah dan para guru.

Sambil berbual di pejabat Tuan Guru Besar, aku di tanya samaada sudi untuk memberi ceramah motivasi kepada pelajar darjah empat, lima dan enam besuknya ( 14 Ogos ). Tanpa berfikir terus saja aku bersetuju......
Bila aku pulang ke rumah, barulah isteri bertanya - "Apa abang nak cerita besuk? Boleh ka?" Dan bila memikirkan, rasa seperti tidak bersedia pula untuk memberi ceramah begitu....namun demi kerana kasihkan anak2 yang aku lihat umpama diri aku sendiri empat puluh tahun dahulu, InsyAAllah.....bolehlah setakat yang termampu.

110808 - Kristal dan Saman!!

We left the 'hometstay' bungalow with anticipation of stopping over at the Crystal Mosque. I have read a lot about the mosque made famous for its enormous cost and iupposedly significant landmark to the Tamaddun Islam village in Pulau Duyong. We had to stop three times to ask for direction. For such a landmark, there was only one signboard at a traffic light junction - then it was left to one's imagination to find where it is. Luckily, the people of Tgannu whom we asked were all very helpful, with ready smile and ready answer!




We left the Mesjid Kristal with a sorry feeling for the occupant of this house nearby. So much money spent, and not a cent to mend the broken roof of their stilt house. But then again, I am not a political blogger, so I shall stop at that!

Along the way, I overtook a lorry at a stretch I thought was safe. It was safe indeed from traffic but not from traffic police. Apparently, I overtook at double lines! I was waved down.....uhuks!
I quickly approached the man in uniform, with a guilty smile and a salam. He was very polite and invited me to the police car parked under the angsana tree.
A brief explaination were given about my offence and the consequences. It turned out, the men in uniforfew options were given to me....about summons and where to pay. I did what any self-respecting man would do - accepted the summon with thanks to the man in uniform for doing their duty deligently.

Above, me - feeling sorry for breaking the rule of the road but proud that our Police are doing their job deligently!



The route we took passed through Pasir Putih, so we decided to stop over at the Tok Bali beach for a short break of journey. Pictures above were taken at the beach.